Is Simulating an Orgasm Harmful?

For many, unfortunately, simulating an orgasm has become a habit. For some, it’s an exception for when you’re not in the mood, but your partner just won’t let go. For others, it’s an everyday norm. The reasons can vary from a temporary decrease in libido due to hormonal shifts to actual frigidity.

Let’s break it down.

Just the Facts

Let’s set aside male bravado and look at the dry facts. According to a survey of women aged 18 to 40, only 5 percent of women experience regular orgasms during sex. But what’s even more concerning is another fact. The same survey revealed that women experience more frequent and intense orgasms during masturbation. The percentage of women admitting to faking orgasms is staggering—over 90%.

What’s the Issue?

Respondents most frequently cited not wanting to disappoint their partner when it became clear that an orgasm might not be forthcoming as the reason for faking.

Of course, this doesn’t have any physiological consequences. But on a psychological level, it’s far from beneficial. Continuously faking an orgasm means lying to your partner. And the infamous “white lie” concept doesn’t really apply here. Yes, you might tell yourself that you’re just trying not to hurt their feelings. And this might even work for a while. But what if they find out that, over a week, a month, or a year, all your orgasms were fake? Will you still want to talk about “saving” them?

Any omissions and concealments, whether in bed or in other areas of a relationship, inevitably lead to increased distrust between partners. But okay, suppose you think it’s easier for them this way. What about you? Is constantly faking orgasms acceptable to you? Over time, thoughts about lying to your partner can overlap with concerns about your own potential issues.

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“It used to be different…”

“Again today. Maybe tomorrow will be different?”

Do these questions sound familiar? Then your mental and emotional state may already be starting to falter. And this can lead to far more serious problems than a missing orgasm.

What to Do?

First and foremost, don’t be afraid to speak honestly. The bitter truth is better than a sweet lie—this statement has always been true. According to psychologists, most women are simply afraid to admit they don’t experience orgasms with their partner. In that case, think a few steps ahead. Do you trust your partner? Has he ever abandoned you in critical situations? If the answer to both questions is no, then it would be more logical to admit to him that you’re not experiencing orgasms. The sooner you do this, the sooner everything will become clear, and you can both start seeking a solution. This is much better than both of you remaining in a state of limbo, convincing yourselves that this deviation is normal.

It’s no longer the 18th century. Puritanical morals and patriarchy are a thing of the past. Nowadays, there are many ways to address the issue. Start by experimenting in bed. Perhaps a different position, using lubricants, or toys might help you achieve the desired orgasm. If this doesn’t work, consider consulting a sexologist. They can help you sort everything out and, if necessary, prescribe treatment.

Conclusions

Firstly, avoid relying on dubious sources. Don’t believe porn where actresses have orgasms literally five times a minute. And definitely don’t believe men whose bragging sometimes reaches truly astronomical proportions. Statistically, a full orgasm happens for a woman once every 3-4 acts. Analyze your sex life—perhaps your deviation from the norm isn’t such a big deviation after all.

And if the problem does exist, be honest with your partner. And, more importantly, be honest with yourself.

Having explored whether simulating an orgasm is harmful, it’s important to address how to deal with sexual feelings and understand what’s normal.